How to cope with the trials of our time
The book “The Gift” by the prominent psychotherapist, Auschwitz survivor Edith Eger is a practical guide on how to take care of your mental health, how to live fully, and not get stuck in the prison of your own mind. There is a lot of practical advice on how to learn to accept your emotions, get rid of the victim complex, heal from childhood traumas, experience loss, and grief, how to get out of conflict situations or not get into them, how to accept and love yourself, how to get rid of guilt, how to learn to control your fears and cope with anxiety.
If you are unhappy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else either.
Isolation has become a test for us, sometimes even destructive, but at the same time it has opened up opportunities to accept ourselves, to know ourselves better, and to love even more. How did you usually have fun before the pandemic? What did you do? What changed when you were forced to stop it when it became unavoidable to be alone with yourself?
Only you will be with yourself throughout your life. Marriages and romantic relationships can end. Children grow up and move out. Friends may die. And only you remain with you forever. Now is the time to bring into the world your true identity, which you have been compromising to please others or pay off debts. What do you like most when you are alone? In what can you always rely on yourself? How do you express love and gratitude to your most valuable partner — yourself?
Whatever you practice, you get better at it
You can’t choose the events that happen to you or the words and deeds that others say and do, but you can influence your own thinking, feelings, and behavior. And first of all, it’s important to note how you speak to yourself. Listen to your inner dialogue. Is it full of words like always, never, have to, and must? Is it full of self-love or hatred?
Difficulties of awareness
Life is not easy and sometimes things don’t go our way. Often, in order to protect ourselves and regain control, we try to understand why things happen. There is no need to find out, to dig, to look for answers to the questions “why so?” or “why otherwise?” Because it drags us into the past and keeps us there.
We can stop resisting circumstances or trying to escape from them and just say: “I don’t like it. I am not comfortable with this.” We can stop avoiding reality by denying or downplaying events. It is okay to be angry. Let your anger push you to ask other questions like: “what good can I do?”, “what can I do right now?”, “Is this all I am capable of doing?”
“Those who laugh on Friday will cry on Sunday”.
Amid constant uncertainty, it is very tempting to abstain from joy, hold our breath and wait for some trouble. The premonition of disaster gives us the illusion of control. However, it does not free us. No matter what happens outside, there is always an opportunity to invite joy and beauty into your life. What food can you enjoy today? What kindness of a friend or of a stranger? And what treat will you save for tomorrow? No one can take away from you what you keep in your head. Gratitude, memories, a hideaway of pleasures — all this is yours and will always be with you.
My favorite short but important words are “TIME” and “RISK”.
Time: because by choosing how to spend it, we can find a balance between work, play, and love and decide what we want to be for others and ourselves.
Risk: because thanks to it we grow. Dangers are frightening and traumatic, but risk expands our comfort zone and allows us to discover the part of us that can withstand what is beyond our control and say, “This is temporary, and I can survive it.”
Everything in life is changeable. So what can you do today that you avoided before? How can you replace anxiety with excitement? And how can you distinguish between what only saturates you and what truly nourishes you? Starting today, give up one thing that drains you and do one thing that empowers you.
